It's been a few weeks and my feeling of belonging has disappeared again.  Even at church.  The feeling of emptiness....  Maybe I need to give in and get help....  I hate this.  Its getting harder to fake the smile.  Everything is getting harder.  Especially the resistance to cry.  Why? I don't know....  Maybe I'm not allowed to be happy.  Maybe the world just doesn't like happy people.  From what I can tell, people who are happy will eventually be pushed into the black with me.  That's how it starts...  You're happy and then society pushes you into an abyss of sadness and anxiety.  But what's wrong with being happy?